#and ive been completely and totally overwhelmed

[uwooyoungs]

//

[sugurugetoshairbrush]

tl;dr hitting blinkers on a dab pen with stoner!suguru getou [prev] [nxt]

your situationship with suguru remains undefined. not that it’s pressing—you’re comfortable with deepening the relationship before labeling it. to you, he’s your man that’s not your man, but that’s your man. and if that’s confusing, then trying to define your relationship with gojo might just send you into a spiral. you quickly learned that being involved with suguru means gojo is automatically part of the package, like some bizarre two-for-one deal. 

after only a couple of interactions, gojo was already insisting you call him by his first name, texting you like you’d been friends for years. suguru warned you he was clingy, but you’d imagined it on a smaller scale. not that it’s a problem—he’s not annoying. if anything, he’s entertaining, sending you memes, munchies, and random gossip. since suguru doesn’t seem to mind and occasionally looks relieved to have gojo off his back, you’re happy to go along with it.

the conversation you find yourselves revisiting the most is about suguru’s uncanny ability to outsmoke both of you. every single time, with no exceptions. while you and gojo are baked into the furniture, marveling at how vivid your senses have become, suguru is casually riding a mellow high, maybe a little giggly, but never anywhere close to where you and gojo end up.

the downside? for you, it means being hyper-aware of his fleeting, soft touches—every caress amplified, every kiss leaving you spiraling. one brush of his fingers, and you’re a mess, a pillow princess completely wrecked before things even escalate. you wish you could share that out-of-body, dreamlike state with him, instead of the night ending with him looking after you and gojo like a couple of overgrown children.

gojo, ever the opportunist, proposed a solution: dab pens.

“totally different experience,” he assured you. while building tolerance to smoking is something you can gradually ease into, a dab pen hits like a truck—instant and overwhelming, a visceral high. he already had one picked out, but you can’t help the pang of guilt that creeps in. is it wrong to be plotting on suguru like this? the question lingers, so you text gojo for some reassurance.

satoru :3: nahh its morally grey

you: that’s still not good

satoru :3: everything is relative, the earth is flat, life is a simulation satoru :3: come on I alr bought the cart

you: oh brother you: fine pick it up rn bc I got my shift covered tmr and suguru’s free tn

satoru :3: kay! btw its 90.02% thc satoru :3: the packaging has an alien abduction on it :P

you: you’re not making me feel better

satoru :3: my accomplice <3

you: what if it doesnt work you: ive seen him face 4 blunts. back2back

satoru :3: not if we hit blinkers yk his ass is competitive

you: I just might die tn…

accepting that you have no idea where the night will take you, you call an uber to their apartment, savoring what feels like your final moments of lucidity for the day. when you arrive, you see suguru sitting on the stoop of the building, passing a blunt to toji, whose bruised eye is still faintly visible, serving as a reminder of his failed attempt to hit on you.

men are so uncomplicated—they argue, tussle, and then they’re back to being cordial like nothing ever happened.

as you approach, toji ashes the blunt and nods in acknowledgment. you squint, making out the detailing on toji’s sweatsuit—it’s denim tears, and overall he looks way more put together. his dark hair is trimmed neatly, and he’s sporting a silver chain. suguru’s lounging comfortably in grey sweats, and an oversized black tee. he rises, effortlessly pulling you into his arms. 

“hey baby,” he greets warmly, and you can smell the faint mint of his shampoo beneath the haze of smoke clinging to him. you squeeze his waist, drawing back to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. 

“hi sugu,” you eye toji warily—nodding his way, “toji.”

suguru gestures to toji, “go ahead and top that off, we’re heading in.”

“good lookin’,” toji replies with a sly smirk, waving you away, “see ya.”

the elevator doors slide shut, commencing its ascent, and you can’t help but ask, “is toji out here robbing folks?”

suguru chuckles, clearly amused. “kinda. he started scamming, swiping cards, and jamming chips—that kind of thing.” he shakes his head. “honestly, he’s really been hustling. I’ve never seen him more actively involved with megumi.”

you draw in a breath, “well… that’s good?”

inside, the apartment is clean, lavender-scented, and gojo is already sprawled on the couch, watching cartoons. he brightens when he sees you, enthusiastically patting the seat beside him.

“finally! we’ve been waiting forever.”

“forever” turns out to be less than an hour, according to suguru, but gojo whines dramatically anyway. 

“so,” suguru drawls, eyeing you both suspiciously, “what are you two plotting?”

gojo disappears momentarily, returning with the dab pen like a magician revealing his trick. 

“ta-daa~!” he announces.

suguru blinks, unimpressed. “it’s just a pen?”

“not just any pen,” you reply, resting a hand on his thigh. “trust us.”

gojo smirks. “unless you’re scared or something?... pussy.”

suguru raises a brow, grabbing the pen. “so how are we gonna do this?”

you clasp your hands together, “we can only hit blinkers.”

just as gojo predicted, suguru’s competitive streak takes over. after throwing some jabs and a quick trip to the fridge to stockpile water, you’re ready.

gojo takes the lead, he activates the pen, pressing the button down five times until it glows an ominous red. he lifts it to his lips with a mock salute taking a deep, dramatic inhale. the faint woosh of his draw drags on for several seconds until the light blinks. 

he ghosts the thick smoke for a moment, then exhales in a steady stream. “easy.” he declares smugly—until the coughing starts. his bravado crumbles as he hacks and sputters, spilling water in his frantic search for a sip.

your hit goes about as well. the initial inhale feels smooth, but halfway through, your throat ignites like you’ve swallowed fire. you’re left chugging water, gasping for relief while gojo’s laughter fills the room.

suguru’s hit is no different. he takes the pen with his usual quiet confidence, lips curling around it like this is nothing. the first few seconds are smooth—calculated, even—until the thick, milky smoke betrays him. he chokes, his back shaking as a fit of coughing overtakes him.

“shit,” he rasps, eyes squeezed shut as he leans back. “that cart packs a punch.”

twenty minutes pass, you think you’ve suffered through three, maybe four more hits and you’re all sprawled on the couch in a collective stupor, shoulders pressed together as the room swirls in a pleasant, woozy haze.

your head feels like it’s been submerged underwater. being sandwiched between suguru and gojo, doesn’t help, the warmth of their bodies makes you hyper-aware of how sluggish and foggy you feel. instinctively, you twitch and then wonder if anyone noticed. the tv sounds several decibels louder and you realize that gojo has been watching scooby-doo. 

“hear me out—,” gojo declares out of nowhere, “velma?”

suguru hums. “not really a hear me out. most people would.” he looks at you, a teasing glint in his eyes. “I’d love to see you dressed as velma—have you fumbling for your glasses.”

your cheeks flush, but gojo ignores it pressing on. “fred?”

“basic.”

“okay… I got it. the sheriff, he’s got big dick energy.”

you decidedly don’t hear him out. but, he’s already moving on to the next “pressing” issue.

“guys. guys.” he jabs a finger at the screen, “I neeed that big-ass sandwich. like right now. ’m starving!”

honestly, he’s got a point. the towering sandwich dripping with sauces and stacked with layers of meat and veggies looks incredibly appetizing in your current state. suguru seems to agree because he grabs your hand and drags you to the fridge.

the sight inside is… grim. two eggs, a loaf of bread that looks like it’s been there too long, a couple of protein drinks, and some beer.

suguru lets out a long, dramatic groan. “guess we’re hitting the corner store. at least it’s only a block away.”

“an adventure!” gojo leaps to his feet, spinning in an exaggerated flourish. “let’s go!”

the three of you pile into the elevator, the hum of its old machinery filling the small space. when the doors creak open on the ground floor—the correct floor this time (you may have accidentally pressed the second floor first)—there, waiting for you, is obstacle # 1: the brats.

megumi and his friends are darting back and forth across the lobby, their shrill laughter echoing as they roughhouse. you think they’re playing tag, but you’re not sure. the three of you freeze, exchanging a silent look before attempting to walk in a straight line toward the door, as if that might somehow make you invisible.

it doesn’t. if anything, it makes you look incredibly suspicious.

“you guys look weird!” a high-pitched voice cracks through the commotion. “you know you don’t need to walk in a line—we’re not at school!”

you glance down to see one of megumi’s friends: a boy with short pink hair and big brown eyes, staring up at you curiously.

megumi approaches, scowling. his dark brows knit together in a way that makes you feel like you’ve just been caught red-handed.

“I know these guys,” he announces, side-eyeing you all. “they’re friends with my dad. and they’re too old to still be walking in lines.”

he tilts his head, sharp and accusatory. “did you guys cook with my dad’s pot?”

gojo, the boldest of the three of you, raises an eyebrow. “what?”

“you know, my dad’s pot. my mom’s always telling him to stop using it because it smells funny. I don’t know why he doesn’t just wash it. after he cooks with it, he acts weird like this too.”

oh.

suguru takes drastic measures. “megumi, nobara just tagged you back! are you really going to let that slide?”

megumi whips around, glaring at the little girl with cropped brown hair. “nobara!” he yells, charging after her.

taking advantage of the distraction, the three of you bolt for the door.

outside, the crisp night air greets you. despite the brief confrontation, you continue walking in a rigid line, suguru leading the way toward the corner store. you’re at the back, stumbling over your own feet every few steps. gojo, meanwhile, is completely engrossed in his phone, so much so that he almost walks into a pole.

reaching the corner store comes with a short-lived sense of accomplishment until you encounter obstacle #2: deciding what to buy.

inside, the fluorescent lights are harsh and invasive, humming faintly. the cashier, a thin man with neatly parted black hair and sharp cheekbones, greets suguru with a polite nod.

“what’s up, ijichi?” suguru says, raising a hand.

“welcome back, getou. let me know if I can help you with anything,” ijichi replies, his voice monotone but cordial.

you stalk the aisles like predators circling prey, overwhelmed by options. after what feels like an eternity of indecision—picking things up, putting them down, and staring some more—you finally gather your haul and head to the register.

ijichi surveys your collection with barely concealed disbelief: a cinnamon roll, two twinkies, a ready-made hotdog, a bag of hot fries, two cherry cokes, and a pack of gummy bears.

as he rings up your total, you think you catch him gagging slightly. you clutch the back of suguru’s shirt for support, and he glances at you, startled, as if he hadn’t realized you were standing so close.

ijichi bags your items in a flimsy plastic sack, his expression somewhere between amused and horrified. “have a… safe night.”

the bell jingles as the door closes behind you, and a cold breeze makes you shiver. gojo digs into the bag immediately, tearing open a twinkie wrapper with his teeth.

“’s’jus me,” he mumbles through a mouthful, “or waf he lookin’ at ush weird?”

suguru points to his own mouth. “satoru, don’t talk with your mouth full.”

gojo swipes at his face, wiping crumbs on his joggers. his phone dings sharply, and he frowns, glancing at the screen before looking up at you nervously. in comes obstacle # 3: gojo’s spontaneous antics.

“satoru,” you say, crossing your arms both to steady yourself and shield against the cold. “what did you do?”

suguru doesn’t notice your exasperation—he’s in his own world, his hair draped over his shoulder, stray strands framing his face. his faraway expression, cheeks puffed out slightly, makes him look softer than usual. you’d think it was cute if you weren’t so annoyed.

gojo’s explanation spills out in one breath. “okay, so watching scooby-doo made me think about dogs so naturally I started looking up puppy pics on insta, and a breeder I know—,” he gestures to suguru, “yaga, posted about a litter of puppies he’s trying to sell, and I, uh… I made an impulse buy.”

“what?!” you and suguru exclaim in unison.

gojo flinches but presses on. “I wasn’t thinking! they’re pit-lab mixes, and soo cute I couldn’t resist. I didn’t think he’d be ready to sell one so fast, but he’s here now.”

as you near the apartment, you spot a black suv parked out front, hazards blinking. its headlights flash as if signaling to gojo, whose unmistakable white hair gives him away.

gojo shakes his arms out. “guys, do I sound normal? I need to fix this before I come off as an irresponsible pothead.”

“you are an irresponsible pothead,” suguru deadpans, though he smirks. “but yeah, you’re the most coherent right now. lead the way.”

the suv’s window rolls down, revealing a bulky man with dark glasses and a goatee.

“satoru, that you? suguru? long time no see. hop in—the puppies are in the back. you’ve got the pick of the litter.”

gojo heads for the rear door, but suguru tugs at your shirt, pulling you back. his voice is quiet, almost hesitant. “hey… I’m feeling kind of overwhelmed. can you wait with me for a sec before we deal with gojo’s nonsense?”

your heart melts. “of course.” you wave gojo off, telling him you’ll catch up in a minute, and follow suguru into a narrow alley running alongside the building. it’s secluded and dimly lit, the faint sounds of the city echo in the distance as you stop and turn to him.

grasping his hands, you intertwine your fingers with his. his face is slightly flushed, his expression open and vulnerable.

“are you okay? do you want to go inside?”

“no, no—” he waves it off, his voice soft but tight. “I’m just… overstimulated. everything feels too loud, too sharp. I’m all over the place.”

you snort softly, amused by the unexpected role reversal. “that’s how gojo and I end up feeling half the time. you’re so cute.”

rubbing your thumb over his knuckles, you press a gentle kiss to his jaw.

“what do you need from me?” you ask.

he leans into your touch, a shy smile tugging at his lips. “this is nice,” he murmurs, wrapping his arms around your waist and nestling his face into the crook of your neck. his breath is warm, tickling your skin.

instinctively, your hands sweep under his loose top, brushing over the warmth of his back. his body shivers at your touch, goosebumps rising beneath your fingertips.

“how’s this?” you ask softly.

“good,” he breathes.

you pull back slightly, cupping his jaw and bringing his face close. your lips hover over his, teasing. “just focus on my touch, okay?”

he hums in agreement, and when your lips finally meet, he responds with uncharacteristic urgency. his kiss is fervent, a raw expression of need that makes your pulse race. his hands grip your hips firmly, drawing you closer as his mouth moves against yours. he licks into your mouth, brushes his tongue against yours, making you gasp, then tilts his head to suck on it.

when your fingers trail to the waistband of his sweats, his breath hitches sharply. his reaction is all the encouragement you need, the air between you dense with tension.

he groans, his voice low and ragged as your palm brushes over the prominent bulge straining against the fabric. “fuck—ah, more.”

you glance up, his flushed face and dilated pupils making your heart race. without hesitation, you sink to your knees, looking up at him through your lashes with a teasing smile.

“more?” you echo, pulling his sweats down just enough to release the pressure. leaning in, you blow warm air over the outline of his thick cock through the thin material of his boxers. he shudders, his composure shattering.

“sugu I want to taste you,” you murmur, your voice dripping with need.

he curses under his breath, fumbling to free himself. his hand wraps around his thick shaft, slowly pumping himself once, twice, before guiding his tip along your cheek. pre-cum smears against your skin, warm and sticky. 

“aah,” he groans when you stick out your tongue, letting a trail of saliva drip onto the concrete below. he presses his tip to your tongue, rubbing it up and down as you curl it along his slit.

replacing his hand with your own, you lick a slow, deliberate line from base to tip, savoring the salty tang of his pre-cum. his fingers tangle in your hair, tugging gently as you take him into your mouth, inch by inch, until your lips are flush against the tuft of black hair at his base.

“baby, you feel so good,” he rasps, his voice heavy with pleasure. “your mouth is so warm, wet—” you swallow, tightening around him, and he chokes out a shaky breath. “—and tight.”

you cup his balls, rolling them gently in your palm. his hips jerk, a low moan spilling from his lips. tears sting at the corners of your eyes, but you keep your gaze locked on his, letting the sight of his unraveling spur you on.

“I’m close—fuck,” he warns, his voice tight. 

pulling back, you kiss along his shaft, your hand stroking him in slow, deliberate motions. you glance, lips curling into a sly smile as you whisper, “sugu, come inside.” 

his breath catches as you take him back into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks. his moans grow louder, uninhibited, as he grips your hair and begins to guide your movements, fucking your throat.

“ah—fuck, gonna come,” he groans.

you intertwine your fingers with his free hand, holding his gaze as you pull back to suck on his tip, tongue swirling over the slit. with a long drawn-out groan of your name, he spills into your mouth, hot and thick. you swallow every drop, licking your lips as he twitches in your grasp.

“fuck,” he breathes, his voice shaky as he tucks himself back into his sweats. “you’re insatiable.”

you rise to your feet, knees aching from the rough concrete. he steadies you, brushing stray hairs from your face. leaning in, you press a gentle kiss to his lips, letting him bask in the afterglow.

but when you glance over his shoulder, your heart sinks. a few feet above you, a first-floor window you hadn’t noticed before now has its curtains slightly parted. behind the glass, a familiar face smirks at you.

toji.

you freeze up as he leans casually against the window frame, his brows wagging. he raises a finger to his lips, motioning for you to keep his presence quiet. his amusement obvious.

mortified, you whip your gaze back to suguru, pretending nothing happened. the curtains slide shut in your peripheral, and you suppress a shudder, vowing to bury the memory of toji’s shameless voyeurism.

“you good?” suguru asks, brushing your hair back into place.

“yeah.” you mumble. “let’s get back.” 

hand in hand, you return to the street, your absence evidently unnoticed. tucked between two parked cars, gojo sits on the curb, cooing at a tiny white puppy wriggling in his arms.

“satoru,” you gape. “you actually went through with it?”

he grins up at you, holding the puppy aloft like a trophy. “isn’t he adorable? named him gojo junior.”

suguru pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling a long, tired sigh. “just—let’s go back upstairs.”

the three of you collapse onto the couch, exhaustion settling in. you curl up against suguru’s chest, your limbs boneless, as gojo turns on the tv. the puppy nestles in his lap, so he carefully reaches for the dab pen on the coffee table, grinning lazily.

“one more hit to top off the night?” ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 after ten hours of deep, uninterrupted slumber, you stir awake to the gentle warmth of sunlight streaming through the curtains, coaxing you back to reality. the unfamiliar comfort beneath you takes a moment to register—you’re not on the couch anymore. suguru’s bed cradles you, his arm draped securely around your waist. his breath is steady against the back of your neck, and as you try to shift, his hold tightens.

“mm, too tired. stay,” he mumbles groggily.

a smile tugs at your lips, and for a brief moment, you consider giving in. his warmth, the soothing rhythm of his breathing, and his gentle scent are enough to make you melt back into the mattress. but you’d rather not over-oversleep.

suguru’s hand snakes into your hair, his fingers threading through the strands with a languid tenderness. “what if we just… stay here all day?” he whispers, his lips grazing the nape of your neck.

the temptation is overwhelming. his gentle strokes and soft breaths pull you toward complacency, but you’ve already slept more than enough. with a groan, you prop yourself up against his pillow, feeling the resistance of his arm as he tries to pull you back.

“come on, suguru,” you say, brushing a hand through his tousled hair. “time to wake up.”

he grumbles something incoherent and eventually lifts his head, his cheek faintly indented by the pillow. his squinted eyes and weak smile somehow make him even more striking. the sunlight spilling into the room catches the soft angles of his face, illuminating him perfectly.

“too early,” he groans, shielding his eyes with his hand before reaching out to pull you into a lazy kiss. his lips are warm, slow, and deliberate, but you break away, placing your hands on his shoulders to gently shake him.

“you’re impossible,” you tease, laughing softly.

you reach for his phone on the nightstand, thrusting it in his direction. “here, play some music or scroll through your timeline—do something to get your brain working.”

suguru takes it with a half-hearted hum, pulling you back into his chest as he unlocks it. he scrolls aimlessly through his playlist, swiping through songs too quickly to process. then, a slow, melodic guitar riff fills the room, and his hand finally falters. the soft acoustic melody of sunflower drifts through the air, a perfect match for the warm, serene moment.

his free hand finds yours, intertwining your fingers as he sways you gently. the vibrations of his hum resonate in his chest, and you can’t help but lean into the sound. you savor this side of him—the quiet, vulnerable suguru who lets himself soften in the morning light.

but then, a thought surfaces. the dog. the vivid memory of gojo proudly holding a squirming puppy the night before is unshakable.

“suguru,” you whisper. “what about the dog?”

his body tenses and his eyes snap open. “the wh—” he bolts upright, groaning. “shit, the dog. he really did that? I was hoping I made that part up.”

the two of you stumble into the living room, both disheveled from sleep. gojo is sprawled on the couch, one leg hanging off the side, snoring softly. the puppy darts around the room, tiny paws clicking against the floor.

suguru scoops up the wriggling pup and plops him onto gojo’s chest, startling him awake.

groaning, gojo blinks blearily at the excited puppy licking his face. you watch in real-time as all of yesterday’s events finally catch up to him. he looks up slowly, blue eyes wide, panicked.

“guys,” he says, voice cracking. “how do I return a dog?”

{taglist: @inthedarkshadows000 @saltyhansen | insp: @tojisth3rdwife‘s ask linked [here] ty! ᡣ𐭩}

[the-s1lly-corner]

Sleepover w/ the digital circus cast

been a while since ive written this style of post for tadc, but im on my computer again so hopefully writing so much wont be too grating! reminder that i do not currently take requests for the entire cast in one post-

notes: reader is gn, not really romantic, written with the idea that everyone is having a sleepover in the main area of the circus

cws: bugs

caine

does not sleep but he wants to feel included, hes the one providing the games and activities for the night, as well as bedding for everyone to use

pretends to sleep, probably totally incapable of sleeping unlike the circus members... fake snores to try to sell it and make it convincing but all it does is it keeps everyone else awake

the games mentioned are usually an exaggerated and insane version of them- truth or dare but if you lie or refuse a dare you were given you get locked in the cellar/j

oh he definitely would try to get some juicy conversation with you or another circus member- god forbid you show some small sign that youre crushing on someone, hes not going to leave you alone

even worse if he finds out you actually do and who it is

his version of spin the bottle might get a little insane, knowing him.. definitely rigs it lands on whoever you like

pomni

not very interested, but if this takes place post episode 2 shes more inclined to join everyone for the night to get to know everyone better

if you two have grown close she sticks with you during the insane games caine has set out

completely opts out of any games that look way too intense but she probably gets roped into it by some of the others- or simply being swept into the chaos

sleeps off to the corner a bit away from everyone else so she can at least try to get a good nights sleep

if SOMEONE (jax, or even caine) gets too overwhelming or annoying she just gets up and goes to her room... you might be able to coax her back out

ragatha

as mentioned in jax's section, she offers to let you lay next to her if jax is bothering you

if you ask her, she does your hair before you go to bed. brushing through it and if its long enough she ties/braids it up for you

if you have a sleep set- unlikely given that they cant take their clothes off but we can pretend caine snapped his fingers and changed everyones clothing or something- she compliments how it looks.. if its cute or if it looks comfortable

if youre still awake and open to it she talks to you quietly when she cant sleep, its actually a nice change of pace against the chaos of when everyone else was awake

you dont talk about much, you just check in on each other and ramble about nothing in specific... keep it down or caine will come on over and try to insert himself

jax

hes the reason the cw is here, hes going to put bugs in your blankets if you guys arent sharing his room. if the two of you are in your room, or if you guys are in the common area hes going to do it.. or put something else thats unpleasant there..

thinks its funny, knowing him he might actually laugh a little off to the side as you thrash your sleeping bag around

snack hoarder, especially if theres candy- good luck trying to get more than a handful from him, hes not much of a sharer

tries to play everything off when someone offers to let you come lay down next to them for the night- likely ragatha

tells the most grotequse and horrifying stories before everyone else goes to sleep

"first person game mcs dont blink" is said as everyone is trying to unwind or something along those lines

kinger

has the softest and comfiest pillows and blankets, from his fort of course! likely sleeps in it rather than out and exposed on the floor with everyone else

makes it a little larger so you can crawl inside with him- its a lot calmer in here than anything thats happening out there

small talk, you both talk about your interests though due to kingers nature the conversation bounces around a lot

he doesnt participate in the games for the most part, especially if its after a high energy adventure... hes a little drained after the day- physically and mentally

sleeps with at least an arms length of space between the two of you unless you tell him youre comfortable with him being closer

dad snores

zooble

not very interested, probably stays in their room for most of the night if not the entire night

if theyre around when jax is telling scary stories they just roll their eyes... theyve heard worse

zooble being a horror/disturbing media fan headcanon my beloved, they probably try to one up him... though theyre not taking it very seriously. theyre not all that interested in winning, but jax is and hes going to get annoying

if they go out and interact with everyone else, theyll go to their room when theyre ready to sleep. they dont want to sleep on the floor in some sleeping bag.. offers to walk you to your room if the horror talk got to you

gangle

sits in her own corner doing her own thing, you can convince her to join in on the more tame games if you promise to stick with her

sticks around with you after that but like... lingering to the side, not really glued to your side because she doesnt want to invade your personal space or make you feel uncomfortable

very quiet if you offer to let her lay down next to her in the night

its a little less awkward if her comedy mask isnt broken but knowing how fragile it is, its unlikely

refuses to participate in any games like 2 truths 1 lie or truth or dare- she just knows jax is going to hang whatever she says over her head even if hes not the one asking her questions

[redr0sewrites]

Sub!Eris Vanserra Thoughts/Hcs

this maaannnnnn ive been brainrotting sub eris foreverrr im kinda tired and my writing is kinda mid recently but i had to write this

🥀Cw: smut, sub!eris, marking, begging, praise, degrading, oral (m receiving), overall filth, reader is gn and can be read as a strap or actual dick

Eris is such a brat, hes cocky and confident and most people would never suspect that hed ever submit

he doesn't relinquish control often, and you didn't think that was something he would ever be into until one night. you were riding him, and the both of you were sweaty and overstimulated with pleasure. His hips rutted up desperately, his arousal making his head hazy.

"ple- nghh, please mistress- it feels so good-" his pupils were blown out, hair tussled and chest heaving. He froze immediately, realizing what he had just said. You paused too, his words making you even more aroused then before

"you like that, little fox? like it when i make you beg?" eris doesnt meet your eyes, but you already know his answer

"if you want me to move again, you're going to have to ask nicely" his hips jerk up slightly, yet you force him back down, rolling your hips as a strained whine leaves his hips. Lets just say that it was quite an interesting night~

After that, Eris began to become more comfortable with being submissive

it definitely took some time for him to get used too, but he trusts you

love love LOVES when you tie him up, he wants to be completely at your mercy

pleASEEE praise him, this mf has the biggest praise kink. He needs to know how good he is, what a good job hes doing, how hes making you feel...

When you praise him, his eyes get glossy and his brain goes blissfully blank, he just need you so bad! he wants to be good for you, he really does

however, despite his love of praise, he can be a major brat....

eris will mercilessly tease you all in the hopes that you will rail him stupid, degrading him and biting deep hickeys into his firm shoulders as his knuckles turn white from gripping the sheets, eyes rolling in pleasure because its all so much, too much~

DEGRADE HIM‼️‼️‼️ SAY THE MEANEST SHIT TO HIM, PULL HIS HAIR AND BEND HIM IN HALF

has a reverse size kink, he LOOOVESSS if ur smaller than him yet still pin him down and restrain him. he adores it when you take control

sometimes, you tease him as well

say for example, hes very stressed doing his high lord duties- what better way to relieve his stress then sucking him off? crawling under his desk while hes working, he cant even focus from the overwhelming pleasure from your mouth around his cock. eris is biting his lip so hard it draws blood trying not to make a sound, yet soft whimpers keep slipping through. it only makes you more aroused, and one hand grips your hair roughly while the other clings to the desk, shaking with need as his eyes roll back

when hes angry, he adores it when your rough. fold him in half, his knees pressing up against his chest as you rail him senseless, your cock is so deep inside him, nudging his prostate so well and making his thoughts so fuzzy<3

overall, eris just loves it when you take control<333

i swear im trying to write more school is kicking my ass guyssss JAJSJSJ. IM ACTUALLY SO EXCITED I FINISHED THIS THO- FEEL FREE TO SEND IN MORE ACOTAR REQS IVE BEEN HAVING A TOTAL ACOTAR BRAINROT!!! I HAVE MORE ERIS STUFF COMING ALONG WITH SOME AZRIEL STUFF ROTTING IN MY DRAFTS LMAO

[85-rend]

yknow what I'm gonna say this now. heyyy pressure fandom I know yall might not be familiar with ask/rp blog courtesy on here, im someone whos run ask/rp blogs before and ive been here for years as well, please please PLEASE do not main fandom tag every single ask response!!!

it completely overwhelms the tag and makes it impossible for people to find anything else!! its rlly rude! you can totally main tag your ask responses occasionally especially if it has some art or writing youre proud of or when you're looking for more interactions!! but please do not main tag every single one.

I feel so bad i've had to block so many bc i literally could not see any other posts......

[bil-daddy]

Mr bildad the shuhite, I need some advice. What do I do when that familiar overwhelming sadness washes over me? Ive been feeling horribly depressed lately, even though I have no real reason to be. I do talk to my friends abt this, but I dont want to talk abt my mental state ONLY and drive them away, so I refrain from talking abt it too much even tho it feels like it will drown me, because I am too afraid of seeming clingy.

Its been getting worse lately, and all I can do is distract myself from it. Ive been excessively sleeping just to not.. feel. I dont know what to do, nor do I know how to not feel this way

I made myself a nice breakfast, and it felt good. And then the feeling came back, like a drip drip drip from the leaking faucet of my mental health I cant control. I am scared. I am so scared

Sorry if this ask wasnt what u were expecting, or if u cant help me either, thats completely fine. I just needed to share somehow how scared I am. Of myself, what I feel I dont know

I dont know. I just dont know

Best wishes,

Anon❤️

*shows up one month late carrying six shots of espresso in a big cup to answer this ask*

It's taken me a while to respond to this because 1) I've been going through a bit of the same thing myself and 2) I haven't figured out a solution yet.

I do have some ideas, though.

You were on the right track, making yourself a nice breakfast. Little things like that make a bigger difference than you think. In fact, I think we should all try to live in the little moments as much as we can. Sometimes, when you're feeling depressed but can't point at a reason in your own life, it's because you're reacting to large scale problems that, while very real, are out of your control--and you know this, and so you feel depressed and scared because there's nothing you can do.

But there is something you can do.

Do at least one thing nice for yourself everyday as part, even if it's something really small. Especially something really small. Listen to your favourite song. Eat a piece of chocolate, just because. Play with a pet, if you have one.

And, if you're up to it, do at least one nice thing for someone else, too. Help your parents with the chores. Call a grandparent and brighten their day. Send a kind message to a friend.

Because you should keep on talking to your friends. The right friends will be honoured you've opened up to them. Listen to your friends, too. They might be going through things to, and being a comfort to them might in turn make you feel better, as well. Being part of a community, even if it's just a small group of friends--or even a group of two--can really help. Having you a sense of purpose, belonging, and importance is part of what makes people people.

Sleeping a lot isn't necessarily bad. Ive done that myself (for totally normal amounts of time, definitly not entire century or anything) Sometimes, your body and your mind just needs the rest. But if you feel like you're sleeping too much, then you probably need something exciting to be awake for.

It might be time to try out a new hobby, start a new TV show or book, take a class, or set a new goal that you can work towards a little bit every day. The mind craves new experiences and challenges. If everything's been the same for a while, depression can set in simply due to boredom.

However, there could just as easily be other causes, which are worth looking into with a therapist and a psychiatrist, if you want to try the medical route--and it is worth a try with persistent depression.

It sounds to me like you also have some anxiety about having depression, since it scares you (and rightfully so, it is scary) that you can feel it coming on and that you can't control it. For that, in addition to what I've already mentioned above, I'd suggest thinking about it differently. Instead of leaking faucet you're desperately trying to shut off, let yourself feel whatever emotions you're feeling*

(*safely and within reason--don't harm yourself or others)

Cry, scream, punch a pillow. Let it out.

Sometimes, the sadness we fear feeling ends up not being as bad as the fear of it. You might feel relieved, once you're no longer bottling everything up and sleeping/distracting yourself to avoid feeling sad. As cliche as a it is, the only way out is through.

Have an ox rib (platonic) for the journey. You can do it.

[mudkippies]

idk idk. A loy of people will hear. a character trapped/tortured/etc for an unrrasonably long time (~100 years in yhis case) and bcs its like. not actually possible they kinda just brush it off, right. But I Cant do that w/ Yoki bcs Im In Too Deep. So ive thought about ut again and again and again and again and again

Like. Yoki was begond his normal lifespan when he git crushed in the debris. He was ~20 when he got the bug, and about 80 years after that he got trapped (I use even number like 20 years old, 80 years later, 100 years under the debris, 500 years in the future, etc. to make things easier and so I dony have to remember exact numbers, but its usually not Exactly that number).

So i mean its not like he was this kid who got trapped, he was a 100 y/o soldier in the midst of battle. But I still think. like. Yoki didnt get the bug because he didnt want to die or smth, and if he had been able to move at all under the debris he probably would have crushed his bug and killed himself. It's just yhe test of the time hes very apathetic about his life- he doesnt stay alive because he enjoys living, it's just that he idnt miserable enough at the moment to go iut of his eay and inflict pain on himself to die.

That was a tangent though. Back on track, Im thinking about Yoki's solitude. Even in solitaty confinement (though still atrocious and inhumane), you're able to walk around, get meals, and speak. Though very limited, thse can at least slightly mitugate the effects. Though, Yoki had none of this. He was impaled through the head, preventing any speech, and pinned down by the weight of the debris which prohibited movement. Honestly regardless of that, i think over a 100-year period the effects wpuld be similar regardless.

Even though his musles and vocal chords couldnt atrophy due to the cellres bug, his mental capacities and knowledge certainly could. If you forget half of your highschool class knowledge just a couple months after you graduate because you don't use it, then over the hundred years Yoki lost knowledge of most things. Even basic survival needs were forgotten.

The human brain has a limited amount of knowledge and insight. If our brains are made to function and consume knowledge for some 80 years, then we only have 80 years worth of things to think about, and even less when you're rapidly forgetting it all. Having only his thoughts could only go so far. Eventually he ran out of things to ponder, questions to answer, memories to look at.

A lot of Yoki's entrapment had him only semi-lucid, it being the only way for his mind to protect itself. His only source of stimulation besides the consistent apin of being crushed and impaled was rapid mood swings between every extreme, and then total apathy. This was repeated on a loop for the majority of the isolation, until even that got dull

And even after he was freed, it wasn't fixed. Having lived without light for so long, he couldn't handle the sun- especially off of the blinding snow- for years. He had to retrain his eyes and esrs and skin to be able to hear and see and touch without completely overwhelming them. Starting from inside the debris and continuing sfter he got out, he would experience constant delsions, hallucinations, and irregular, jumbled thoughts. It likely took almost a lifrtime to recover into how he is now.

[elephant-in-the-pride-parade]

Fic Author Questions

@curator-on-ao3 thank you for tagging me in this new set of fic author questions! I had a lot of fun answering. ❤️

1. Why do you write fanfic?

I guess I stuck with it and stayed inspired largely because ive found really wonderful communities in fanfiction, whether its coming together to share in one beautiful AU story or different iterations of canon or just experiencing the joy of writing together. and having those communities has sustained me through some very isolated years and have been overall a positive experience in my life. ive made really wonderful friends through fanfic.

But I can't deny that I got into fanfic because my brain just fixated on one story and i had the overwhelming urge to put it on paper and so a smaller motivation is that there continue to be stories like that that motivate me to keep writing fic.

2. Which of your posted stories do you think about the most, even though the story is “finished”?

I guess just by virtue of planning the sequel at the moment, I think about and reread Unbroken alot

I have also had the Universe to Mend in my mind since last year and keep coming back to the two versions of Janeway i explored in that and where I left the two of them. and thinking about the other characters too: Mortal Q and Captain Chakotay and Stadi/Tuvok and where they might wind up next.  I have a few ideas for what might come next so I suspect there's at least one sequel on the horizon somewhere.

3. If you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

Deadlines help you set goals and motivate yourself, but you don't owe them to your readers.

4. What’s your relationship to fic stats?

So, and this has been a very good thing for my self esteem and general mental health, working with data all day has made me really ambivalent about my story stats. They're interesting and useful when I have a specific question I want to answer with them but the rest of the time I no longer pay much attention to them.

The stats that I do focus on are all things I measure - timeframe to chapter/story completion, average words per chapter, total word count. Those help me set realistic expectations for myself and help me work on my goals of having healthy writing habits and writing more concise stories.

5. Is there a pairing or scenario or friendship you miss writing? If so, why? If not, why not?

I miss writing Threshold AU!!!!

I want to again and will again, but having had like... negative amounts of writing time this summer and being fixated on a new long story, lots of others have taken a backseat. i really miss the cameraderie of writing threshold au stories and the freedom and joy I get from working with that really original fresh premise - it frees me to experiment and be a bit more imaginative. im sad i havent had time for it in a while.

6. What motivates you to write?

A story takes up residence in my head and its beautiful and tempting and I cannot rest until I have delved in and explored it. Thoroughly.

7. Why do you write for the fandom(s) that you write for?

communities and friendships do a lot to help keep me inspired, both while continuing old longstanding stories and developing new ideas. and ive found this with Sailor Moon and Star Trek. I doubt i would be as prolific in either fandom without those communities.

8. If you’re stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

I shove it in the back somewhere and work on other things until ive figured out what I dont like about it thats got me stuck. sometimes it works out that I just need a better idea of where the story is going. and then the story gets finished. and sometimes i find myself realizing the premise is a good one but the execution isnt.  and then if ive already started posting it, i put it in my "Under Review" collection (an unrevealed AO3 collection only I can see) and figure out if i can rework the story from the ground up or if it isnt going to get finished. I've got 3 in there right now.

9. What do you wish people knew about comments?

That it is actually a huge boost in inspiration to get a nice one. and that it's okay to leave short ones.

10. Maybe there’s a question you wish had been on here. What’s that question (and answer)?

My write in question: Do you create or want to try other types of fanworks?

Just for me i make playlists for characters to help inspire me for fics. sometimes i dabble in fanart. drawing is always really relaxing.

im also facinated by bookbinding. it looks like a really fun physical craft to build even if it looks complicated. i'd love to learn more about how it works.

A lot of my people i usually tag are tagged already so If you want to respond with your own please do!

[trouticide]

as someone who really vibes with the way that lixxen described Charlie's gender, I will put in my 2 cents: some people are so disinterested in the idea of gender or binaries that even labels like nonbinary or genderfluid or trans are kind of dysphoria inducing. I don't identify with any gender nor with any trans identity because it just doesn't make sense to my brain. I think Charlie would be similar because there is seemingly no conscious decision for when or why he identifies a certain way and he really doesn't seem to care. Also, I think everyone has their own headcanon about how Charlie/Joyce identifies and how they experience gender, and that's largely based on an individual experience with gender. So if you don't really get it or relate to OP's interpretation, maybe it's just because that is their own personal way of seeing things. It doesn't mean you can't headcanon charlie as fluid or trans, just that we all see things differently. hope my rambling makes sense, and it is sent with positivity and respect!! and I am not trying to speak over the OP who has their own insight, or anyone else, we are all unique!

(sorry for anon, i would reblog but i'm not out and some people know about my blog)

ok just to be totally clear, i experience gender the same way and agree with OPs interpretation. however i am also going through a major identity crisis and have been trying to figure out if i specifically am trans or if this is just an autistic gender expression thing. so when i reblogged and said what i said it wasn't meant to be taken as a disagreement. i was looking for clarification because i super identified with it and i'm confused about myself lol i have a lot of trauma similar to charlie's and i operate pretty similarly in my life because of it, so it's been therapeutic for me to use his character arch to help me work through some other things. for a huge part of my life i didn't identify with any gender identity at all because i experienced what you mentioned about all labels feeling dysphoric. i still feel that way but i think that may be able to be resolved if i actually take the time to think about it critically and *try* to find a label. i don't really understand labels, similarly to you it just doesn't make sense to me. but i'm at a point in my life where i think i have to work through the pain and discomfort of it and learn to understand it because the anxiety i feel from not having a label is too overwhelming to ignore. up until this point ive just dressed freely and acted freely so i didn't really have to look at labels at all. same thing with sexuality, i just dated who i wanted to. but that got me into a lot of trouble, i ended up with a man for three and a half years when im absolutely an acespec lesbian. i didn't know that at the time though because the thought of labeling my sexuality very deeply stressed me out. but now that ive figured it out and worked through it that stress is gone and i can start actually living my life. i think i could go through the same thing with this, even if i do end up just settling on no labels or that this is just how i experience gender as an autistic person, completely unrelated to being trans. i really don't know yet, but i know no harm will come from me thinking about it and asking questions. all input is good input, so i appreciate this ask!! so yeah tldr agree with everything you and @lixxen said i'm just using joyce as a vent kin to figure out whether im trans or just autistic and gnc

[syrupspinner]

i completed Sable

im gonna compare this to so many other games dude you have no idea

when i first finished the tutorial and drove out into the sand dunes proper, i thought about hyrule field. like pretty much every other gamer born after 1999, i dont see it the same way is was seen when it was released. it was a flex - nintendo bragging about how the n64 can make a wide open field. of course theres nothing to do in it, thatd give them a chance to hide a loading zone or mask pop-in; they werent just a magician showing that there was nothing up their sleeve, they took off their shirt. this is what amazed gamers when they first left kakariko village: the sheer scope.

now its just a big, empty field. with technological advancements, thats seen as a failure in modern world design - what, you mean you couldnt be bothered to put anything here?

sable somehow managed to capture what i can only imagine was the sense of wonder players felt seeing hyrule field, but for a totally different reason. it wasnt a flex of pure technology, it was an exercise in ludonarrative! the way it gets you comfortable with exploring every nook of the ibexii village before showing you a world thats figuratively one hundred times bigger is such a fun way to pull the rug out from the player.

it could have easily been overwhelming in a negative way too, causing an "aw man, ive gotta explore all this?" reaction, but the narrative of sable being able to (instead of having to) explore sets the player up to share this outlook with her. "i get to" turning into "i have to" is the kiss of death for enjoying a game, and i think sable avoids this very well. when i got to the badlands, i didnt think "aw man, i have to climb all these rocks to get to the cartographer" i thought "oh cool, how do i climb these rocks to get to the cartographer?" because i was having fun solving an environmental puzzle.

another comparison i wanna make is to, believe it or not, Fallout. its an open secret that the fallout games are a bit lackluster when it comes to open worlds (I HAVE NOT PLAYED NEW VEGAS), but the originals had a great implementation of subtle directioning and signposting. the most famous example is right at the beginning: between your starting location and your compass's first mark, theres a town, and you need to buy a rope from that town to proceed, and thats how you get wrapped up in a major sidequest and open up a link to the rest of the world. Sable pulls the same trick for me: i was following the compass to the next major village, and i stumbled upon a weird location i couldnt really parse. i could climb a tree and pick up weird smokey seed things, but i couldnt do anything else. when i get to the town, im asked to collect beetle hides for a side quest - and that 'useless' location was called the beetle nest.

while im comparing this to bethesda games, id be remiss if i didnt mention skyrimming. its a phrase i use to describe ramming yourself up a nearly sheer cliffside to see if the physics engine lets you scale it. i did it all the time as a misguided tween playing skyrim for the first time, because i couldnt be bothered finding paths up the mountains. Sable lets you do something similar, but with more intention. the games open world design means it totally accepts you taking unintended routes. i didnt take the easiest route to the badlands village, but i still got there. allowing me to succeed in an unintended way is the mark of a wonderful open world game.

i got to eccria, and full disclosure, i had to crank my graphics settings all the way down. there were too many buildings and npcs for the game to handle. i kept getting lost in the big-ass city, too. when the investigation (side?)quest began i gave up on gathering clues because i straight up couldnt find my way to one of the suspects. i could still finish the quest is the thing, it just ended without any real satisfaction. i think thats great! part of good open-ended design is letting players end without perfectly curated satisfaction.

then i went to the shipyard. was i supposed to be there? thats a silly question to ask about an open world game. anyway, the answer is no, because i spent half an hour trying to climb a mountain for a quest i couldnt finish because i didnt have the right mask. man, this game rules.

man, i havent even talked about the art direction yet. what is there to say? im a sucker for cell shading, and this game leans into it so well! the way the colour palette changes when you go between areas is so cool, like... i cant even put it into words, its just so fun to look at. ive always considered deserts a hard place to make visually interesting, but Sable does such a great job with that

it was at this point that i started aimlessly floating around finishing up sidequests and oddjobs until the endgame. i only started noticing how glitchy the game is at this point. im not holding it against the game at all, because frankly its a miracle that any video game boots to a title screen if you know how programming works (not to say that i do) but its hard not to complain about all the times that things just... didnt load in. sometimes id crash my bike into invisible buildings, sometimes i would just despawn of my bike and have to dismount it to be visible, and one time a chum was invisible. this isnt a skill issue i watched the particles come out of nowhere

in the end, this is a wonderful game. if i had to pick one thing it does best, its the atmosphere. it puts all of its effort into making you feel like a small fish in a big desert, and i really related to my character in the world. also, i dont wanna spoil what masks you get in this game, so ill just say i picked the completionist one with the four-letter name. no its not the fuck mask, dont ask me if theres a fuck mask because im not telling you

[blookmallow]

been watching blues clues for The Nostalgia but also because i work in special education and i feel like it's a really good inspiration for like... good, positive, constructive interactions with kids. i feel like im learning from it in a completely different way now

here are some of my thoughts on why blues clues is good and why i think its better/more effective than a lot of other kids shows

steve's absolute genuine love comes through so strong. he's silly, but he's never over-acting in that weird hyper exaggerated style you see so often in kids shows. he's not a "MY SISTER DID WWWHHHAAAAAAT???!?!?!? (REAL) (NOT CLICKBAIT) (GONE WRONG)" youtube guy. he's just a sweet funny guy who likes kids. there's a reason all of us who grew up with him felt like he was family to us

on that note too, everything in blues clues is so.... calm. it's quiet, but not eerily quiet. it's colorful, but not obnoxiously eye-searing bright. everything is soft. everything is gentle. i feel totally relaxed and safe just from watching the opening. kids media is so often just an overwhelming sensory overload of explosive color and sound and grating voices but blues clues is so chill. and yet, somehow, also not boring. kids media doesn't have to be extreme chaos to appeal to children and it makes a lot of sense to me that a lot of the autistic kids i work with love blues clues

the "talking to the audience" is handled so well, and as a certified hater of "do YOU see the RED BARN?????? ..................................................................THERE it is!!!!!" styles of talking to children (no offense to anyone who enjoys dora but yes I am talking about dora) i feel like somehow steve pulls it off very well. i think it's partly the fact that he does not over-exaggerate and he does not talk down to the kids watching. when he asks "can you help me?" he's asking like he really cares about your input, wants to hear your ideas, and values your opinion, not like he's praising a dog

the addition of the "audience" kid voices responding to him helps so much with those weird awkward pauses too while "you" respond, but again not a loud busy sitcom audience - it gives the feeling of sitting in a playroom with a couple other kids. it's less "going to see an interactive play" and more "steve's having some friends over." it's cozy. it's friendly. i like it

ive also been noticing that frequently when steve asks the audience for help, it's not "do YOU see the RED BARN" with a giant red barn directly in front of his face, it's things like this

the clue is visible to us, but steve can't see it from where he is, so it makes sense that he needs our help to find it

when he's trying to figure out the answer to a question, he gives the kids a chance to solve it/to Help Him by like, giving silly solutions - so it's more "steve is being silly" and less "steve is an idiot who doesn't know anything." it's a game, he's playing with us, he's making us laugh and encouraging us to show him what we know, rather than being frustratingly incompetent and waiting silently motionless for us to tell him the obvious answer

i watched a joe episode to see how his era felt- all i remember was i didn't like him as much specifically just because he wasn't steve. even as a child i respected what i believed was steve's decision to go to college, but it just felt too different. looking at it now as an adult understanding the real steve's reasons and giving it an open mind, i think joe also does all these things very well. he's a little... i guess he feels "brighter" (personality-wise) while steve feels more "calm/relaxed" but joe also seems genuine, and isn't doing the over-exaggerated character to the point of Obnoxious either. i think the only reason i was so hard on him was because he wasn't steve. nobody can be steve. joe does a good job being joe

also noticed he's left handed which always makes me a little bit happy inside. lefty solidarity. and i caught a couple times he used sign language signs in his songs (i noticed it because "thank you" is one some of our students use so I recognized it, i don't know very many signs so I don't know how often this was present and I didn't notice) which is cool

but then there was this one segment about colors i remembered from when i was a kid where, i thought, steve was telling us about colors, and it was where i learned about the color "chartreuse" which i then remembered for the rest of my life. i loved it because i at this age already knew my colors, i knew red and blue make purple, but this showed me next level color combinations. we all know yellow and blue make green, but yellow and green makes chartreuse? I had no idea it had a name other than "yellow-green."

but it turns out it wasn't steve

it was joe. joe taught me chartreuse and i remembered it forever. ive won trivia questions because of this before. thank you joe. respect

then i watched one of the new blues clues & you episodes (with current host josh) and it looks like there's a lot more signing mixed in - not stopping to Teach the signs, but just using them for key words occasionally, which is a really cool way to kind of incidentally teach kids some signs

blues clues & you... is very disorienting for me because it's So different to look at, there's a lot more characters on the screen at one time so there's just. a lot of movement happening, but it doesn't feel Chaotic either, it just feels like that original super chill cozy vibe is kind of lost now. i don't like the 3D animated puppies. they don't look Terrible, i just don't like it, personally.

none of the other characters are 3D, it's only blue and magenta, which makes them feel... out of place, somehow? they're animated in a completely different style than anything else in the room and it feels like they're not supposed to be there. maybe the intention was to have blue and josh stand out from the background but it feels really weird

i don't like how the songs are done. josh's energy doesn't feel quite right to me and i can't figure out why? i think it's like one level higher than the others or something, it's not quite the Over-Exaggerated Chaos level but it's a little less relaxed

i like how they talk about like... states of feeling, though, shovel comes out of the pool and says they feel cold and wet, so josh gives them a towel to feel better. tickety tock feels too hot, so josh gives her a hat to feel better. this is a concept we work on a lot at my school, learning to recognize how you feel and what you can do to help regulate it

plus that gives us this blessed image of tickety tock in a little sun hat. my life has been improved by this

ultimately i think maybe it's just that it's too different for me, i can't place anything specifically "wrong" other than "it's different and I don't like it." anyway anyone want to talk about blues clues

[fairycosmos]

confession....I haven't done my dishes in like 3 months except for like 2 forks and plates that I use, for real it's the worst thing to do in the world plus my depression (and autism) makes it a thousand times harder lol luckily no one but me sees my kitchen

hii it can be really really difficult to stay on top of daily tasks when literally all of your energy is going into getting through the day itself! i totally understand and i think a lot of people who have been there do. proud of you for managing to get the dishes you use cleaned and proud of you for still being here. i hope you can practice some self-compassion (no matter how difficult or fake it feels) in regards to this as you go forward. it's easy to internalise shame over it - people talk a lot about depression but the realities of it are still often looked down on. but ultimately, what ive noticed in my struggles with similar issues is that the more i put pressure on myself, the more my brain relates completing the tasks to the negative feeling of being under pressure, and the more overwhelmed i get, and the further into the cycle i sink. so just doing what you can and every so often doing one dish or spoon or fork more is actually probably much more productive for your mental well-being in the long run, because you're not judging or hating yourself over it and feeding that internal sickness - you're working with the energy you have in the moment and that's fine. sending a massive hug your way x 🫂

[dropish]

hi! i absolutely love the bloom legacy and have played it a few times, and i was wondering if you planned to update it or expand upon it in the future? or even if you have another challenge cooking up? :D

hey anon :) !! im so glad to hear you like it, this ask 100% made my day

to be totally honest i haven't touched my game since before the infant update because i've been completely overwhelmed with Real Life Obligations but i was planning come back to it once everything settles down! ive been working a little bit on a part 2 to the challenge but ill also update the main one to include some of the new gameplay features at some point. and i have some other ideas as well so stay tuned hehe :)

[skitskatdacat63]

okay, i don't know why, but i have ALWAYS been like you described. i have so many movies, TV shows, books, podcasts, songs, etc that i want to experience but do i? nope, just put on another F1 race, please. i don't know if it's fear of the unknown (hello, flood of unexpected emotions!) or not wanting to challenge myself or also wanting to watch F1 and F1 just wins out, but here we are. i suspect it's part of my OCD? or some other ND thing that hasn't been diagnosed in me yet??

in fact prolly the only reason i watch F1 is bc i watch it with my sister. it is a lot easier to do new stuff with someone else...which deludes me into believing that if i just got a partner, we could open the floodgates and watch everything i haven't seen together, but lord knows it don't work that way 😑 in any case, i don't know what's wrong with us, but you're not alone!

I'm glad I'm not the only one!! 💕💕

(Reply ramble under the cut cause I wrote more than I expected)

I think I just struggle to start anything new or to finish anything. I totally agree with what you said about it being the fear of unexpected emotions/the unknown! Like for race seasons for example, I just spent a significant amount of time immersed in 2005 which is a specific set of information(you know: rules, strategy, drivers, etc.), so to start a new season would be a completely different set of info. As I said in my earlier tags, some part of me likes the anticipation more and also I always get way too hyper about things and that energy is overwhelming 😓 And I also feel like I have a fear about how much time I'm going to spend(which is stupid because I'll spend like way too much time aimlessly scrolling for the same amnt of time it'd take to watch a race.) Like the idea of specifically putting aside two hours to do only one thing is stressful to me, which is why I often used to like watching races when I literally couldn't do anything else(waiting for a class.) But now I'm stuck back in the cycle of not wanting to start something new, even if 2009 isnt exactly new because I've watched a lot of racing at this point, but still new enough to me that it's hard to convince my brain to start it. Like once I get into the groove of things, I can float through and enjoy myself, it's just that beginning barrier that's hard to get through.

I also definitely agree with having to watch it with someone else. I either have to binge watch things super quickly or watch them with other people, if not, I'll just end up never starting it or abandoning it. I think it's because it's really nice to be able to discuss your thoughts and feelings abt it with another person and not just be stuck with a million thoughts bouncing around your head(which is why I tend to make posts and then rant in the tags LOL)

I think thats why ive been able to get into F1 to such an extent and why it's been so fun for me. It's a live experience(with a strict time constraint, i.e. you can only watch it right here, right now) where there's a bunch of people watching and interacting. I love tumblr during a race weekend so much, I don't think I'd be obsessed with it as much if not for the ability to see everyone's reactions and interact back with them. I think that's why I struggle to start old seasons, because it's literally just me obsessing alone in my room and I can't talk about it to the extent that I can with the current season. Watching F1 as it goes along in a current season is just a perfect experience I guess, because the schedule pushes me along and I don't really have to rely on myself to keep going.

But yeah who knows!! Brain just being brain as always I guess, but it is annoying that it prevents us from doing things we want to do! But I will say, still, its so stupid that I procrastinate over watching 10 minute long YouTube vids LMAO, like pls I get the hesitation with a 2 hour race, 2 hour movie or 100k fic but, 10 minutes, seriously brain???

[fragmented-light-sys]

I know this can be a difficult question to answer and not everyone is comfortable with it, so please don’t feel pressured to share more than you’re comfortable with. But how did you come to find out you were a system? What was it like? We’re there any signs before, or was it a total shock? How old was the body?

Asking because my friends are all convinced I have DID and I just can’t accept it and i don’t know what to do if they’re right so I’m looking for comfort in other peoples’ stories.

-a very confused and scared college student

this is gonna be a long post lol im sorry.

excuse the switching between we and i, we're kinda blurry and switchy idk.

before i say anything, i do have to say that we're undiagnosed so we dont have 100% proof but we are fairly certain in our suspicion and have done research before saying anything about this (which i recommend to you too; there's blogs on here that have plenty of papers on DID/OSDD research).

ive always felt like there was something going on that i couldnt explain with other mental health stuff (the dissociation, the missing trauma memories, the feeling that youre seperate people, the emotions that dont fit to how you would react, etc) but the only image i had of DID was what the media told me, so losing time n all that.

i did actually start researching DID/OSDD at one point in our life but that resulted in them trying to talk to me and me being completely overwhelmed by everything which lead to a severe shut down that i still cant quite fully understand.

the body is 24 and thats also the age that i started to explore this somehow. theres definitely systems that know way before that but theres really no age limit to discovering that youre a system.

coming to terms with being a system is a hard thing to do so when i did finally start looking into it and asking myself these questions, i was met with a huge amount of denial and the typical "but i cant be a system, i dont have the symptoms!" while being oblivious to the symptoms i did have that hinted towards it. i wasnt "shocked" persé, i was shocked in the way that i knew i had symptoms but still denied myself the chance of saying "maybe what happened to me really was that bad", if that makes sense.

i am by no means far in this. ive just started therapy and i have been trying to figure things out for a mere 5 months now and i am by no means close to understanding everything. so do take this with a grain of salt. and we have actually had to accept things for like 3 times now because everytime we got overwhelmed, someone came and made us forget things again.

please dont pressure yourself in having to discover this and dont let your friends pressure you either! something like this needs time and you have lots of time and its better to come to an informed and calm decision than doing harm with a rushed decision. just try to research for now and keep an open mind!

also id advice you to look for a professional if you really think this could be a possibility.

i hope i could somehow answer your questions, if you have any more questions, please ask, we're a little "out of it" today so it could be that i forgot to answer something.

[torawro]

whew chile…..it’s been a while since a tumblr fic had me like this: completely and utterly unwell. maybe im biased bc i love byakuya so much, but this really ate. you ATE and devoured, finished everything on the plate. shame on the algorithm for not bringing this to my attention sooner.!!!! this is literally me rn

when i tell you i am a SUCKER, a WEAK WOMAN for the arranged marriage trope i literally am i kid you not they’re gonna eat down every single time without fail and you just proved me correct bc this was SOO GOOOOD HELLO?? i didn’t want the fic to end that’s how immersed and in tune i was with your writing here <3 i am totally fangirling right now & there is a literal puddle in between my thighs i’m sure bc of that sex scene !?’ we gon get to that momentarily.

when i came across this arranged marriage with byakuya fic on accident i was like oh? then i realized you wrote it and i was like OHHH?????? OH THATS WHAT WE ON ? LETS DO IT 😩 i even took ss and i haven’t done that in a minute either.

okay so this ⬆️ scene up there was giving me bridgerton season two where anthony professed his love for mary(?? already forgot her name LOLOLO) but no i can literally hear the restraint in his voice withering away, byakuya’s desire for the reader was palpable and i ate it UPPPPPPP!!!

we also love the fact he loves black women okay like the way he said this turned me on ><

aight ima just put all the smutty ss here at once because my brain got overwhelmed tryna choose which one to highlight 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. when he commanded us to strip and strictly refer to him as “my lord”???????? i was like 👀👀? squeezing my legs together! and WHEN HE WHEN HE WHEN HE ASKED US HOW MANY CHILDREN WE’RE GIVING HIM AND WE SAY HOWEVER MANY HE WANTS? i felt a shudder go up my spine and i shivered like i was cold 😩 the effect mere words have on me is astounding. the way he’s praising and sweet talking us but mixing in a little degradation bc of how quickly we came undone? i need him this isn’t a joke and it never was……anyway ive been talking too much but BABEEEE I LOVED THIS !! bleach content will always rejuvenate me

⠀ ⠀⠀ "unwanted" MATRIMONY

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀byakuya kuchiki.

✧ summary to preserve the existence of y/n's clan, she is forced to wed the twenty-eighth head of the kuchiki clan—byakuya kuchiki.

✧ content warnings reader is described as a black woman who uses she/her pronouns. clanhead!reader x captain!byakuya. bleach verse au (no manga spoilers) byakuya is a noble, so they'll both be speaking as such. lowkey giving royalty au vibes. told in first POV — reader's. tropes included: arranged marriage, childhood rivals to lovers. usage of c*nt, missionary position, fingering, nipple play, praise and breeding kink, primal play, terms of endearment — blossom, my love, etc. plot with smut, fluff, and a touch of angst if you squint hard enough. lengthy, but the build up is worth it and necessary!

✧ author's note i don't have much to say, but here's to adding more bleach men to my roster. i knew i wanted to write for byakuya because that's my baby daddy, and now i finally have this idea i hope you guys enjoy. support me by reblogging, liking, and commenting your thoughts. i would greatly appreciate it. ♡ MINORS AND BLANK/AGELESS BLOGS - DO NOT INTERACT.

 I must make my days do, lazing around in my private chambers as I am bound to a marriage I wanted no parts of. Especially not with Byakuya Kuchiki. 

 Lord Byakuya, as he prefers me to call him.

 Because I am the current and possibly the final head of the L /N Clan, I am forced to complete my duties as such. Those duties entailed me following through with my grandparents final wish: get married and keep our family name alive. 

 Which I have no issue with fulfilling. 

 My dreams are filled with having children with a man that loves me. To extend our family and grow old together where our souls will find each other in another life. 

 However, I hadn’t planned my marriage to be an arrangement that I wasn’t aware of because of an agreement our grandfathers had prior to me being born. 

 It’s shocking, honestly. More so, ludicrous for them to think this was okay. But I just couldn’t deny my grandfather. Not when his palm was in mine, lacking its warmth that’s usually there due to his near passing. 

 I remember tears staining my cheeks and a smile gracing his when he made his final request for me. 

 That was two years ago. Now, I am married. Have been for almost a year and every day I dread my decision. 

 How could I possibly wed a man as cold as Byakuya Kuchiki? We barely speak. We sleep in separate chambers. The most we see each other is during dinner because it would be ridiculous to have the servants prepare us food at different times. But even so, the silence and tension always remains deafening.

 And to make matters worse, we have yet to consummate our marriage. 

 This is something I cannot possibly do on my own. He may or may not be attracted to me, and I am convinced to assume the latter because he never utters a look in my direction. 

 It’s shameful how he treats me. The words he spoke to me the night of our ceremony is a constant memory I do my best to forget but cannot. 

 I’m officially married. Not the way I expected to be, but what other choice do I have? Grandfather has died and I made a promise to him to marry and bear children to keep the L /N Clan everlasting. Even if that meant being forced into marriage with my childhood rival. 

 As we sit side-by-side next to each other, bowing and thanking all of our guests for their blessings, I feel the coldness radiating off Byakuya. Of course, one of us has to be graceful and fake smiles while greeting everyone, so I am left to the task. 

 Byakuya? He doesn’t hide how dissatisfied he is with how this night is going. 

 To an extent, I understand. Forcing to wed after the loss of his wife, Hisana, is not ideal. Despite it being centuries since her soul has passed, I’m almost positive the heartbreak is still present. 

 Maybe tonight reminds him of her? 

 “Byakuya—what is the matter? Is everything alright?” I inquired. I turn to face him and await a response. 

 The squareness of his jawline catches my attention and I think how it was carved by the gods themselves. I’ve known Byakuya since we were both children, and seeing the fine man he has grown into today never ceases to amaze me. 

 His profile is… beautiful. I’m mesmerized by the softness of his pale complexion and how it contrasts with the darkness of his raven colored locks. 

 The further I stare at him, the more heat floods underneath my cheeks and my mouth watering at the sight of his beauty. 

 But when he finally speaks, all of the emotions I’ve felt have completely diminished. 

 “Do you feel no shame being forced into a marriage where your partner feels nothing for you?”

 Since then, I’ve kept my distance from him. I remember the pain that pinged my chest when processing the words that left his mouth. I remember rushing to my chambers after the ceremony and crying until it felt like a million shards of glass were piercing them. 

 Yes, I feel ashamed. But I never expected Byakuya to be so direct with me. He’s certainly not the young boy I remember growing up with. Where we would make everything into a competition. 

 Our swordsmanship. Our knowledge. Our abilities. Whatever can be turned into a challenge for us, Byakuya and I competed. 

 That led him to be a captain of the Gotei Thirteen and twenty-eighth head of the Kuchiki Clan. And me, the twenty-third head of my family. I initially wanted to enter the Shin’ō Academy along with Byakuya, but I chose to stay with my family and oversee our medicine and agriculture. 

 However, even when he entered the academy, he always made time to see me because we were friends before any juvenile competition we made. 

 So why can he not see his wrongdoings in our marriage? Could he at least try for the sake of me fulfilling my duties? 

 All that keeps me company are movements of the servants coming in and out of my chambers, along with the river that flows past my view. 

 As always, dinner is silent. 

 Byakuya has returned to the manor after attending his captain duties, and this is the only time of day where I see him. He is stripped from his formal wear and has been dressed in a simple dark blue yukata that has specks of cherry blossoms scattered across the garment. 

 If I didn’t loathe him so much, I could take my time appreciating how handsome he looks while being in the comfort of his manor. His locks are released from the kenseikan he wears that symbolizes his nobility as the head of the Kuchiki Clan. 

 I occasionally steal glances at him while he eats, and yes, while I do despise being in this forced marriage just as he does, I can’t help but be captivated by him.

 My lady parts wouldn’t allow me to deny the attraction. 

 As I watch my beloved husband, I think of all the sexual acts I would like for him to do to me. Please me in ways I could only imagine he can do. Make love to me and whisper in my ear how breathtaking I am.

 When I look at Byakuya, I think of all the times I’ve spent time with Lady Kyōraku and she tells me how madly in love she is with Captain Kyōraku. How well he treats her, and even with his demands in his new position, they spend much quality time together. 

 She even graced my ears with a few details about a picnic session they recently had where it led to activities that typically aren't done out in public.

 I wonder if my husband will ever be reckless enough to do an act as obscene as that. 

 Not likely. 

 I hate quiet, especially while we eat together. What is the purpose if no words will be spoken amongst each other? No eye contact. No going to bed together after we have finished. Why? 

 Why am I not able to be served dinner in my private chambers? Surely, I can make a request for this going forward. 

 Or… perhaps there is a different way for me to get him to speak. 

 I take a sip of my cremè sake before clearing my throat. “How did your day treat you, my lord?”

 “It was fine,” he responds, flatly. Should I be shocked that he didn’t lift his chin when speaking to me? 

 “There is something I would like to discuss with you.”

 “It can wait. I’m not up for discussion at the moment.” His dismissive tone has annoyance leaching onto my flesh, and I feel like I am on the verge of exploding.

 “Perhaps it cannot. I would like to discuss something with you, my husband.” The authority in my voice grabs his attention and finally, he looks up at me and catches my hardened gaze. 

 He deeply sighs, sitting down his bowl of rice and chopsticks. “What is it?”

 “Maybe we should… begin the process of annulment.”

 His face remains calm. Expressionless, like I always remembered. Does he care enough to show a reaction to me asking for a cancellation of our marriage? 

 This shouldn’t be a difficult decision for him, so why is he taking his time to respond? 

 The longer I wait, the more his lack of response bothers me. It’s not similar to before, where the quiet was filled by the sounds of us eating and the servants coming in to check on us.

 No, it’s the silence where if he does not speak, I will make the decision for him and walk out and permanently leave the manor.

 I think of all the conversations I’ve had with Lady Rukia, his younger sister. And Renji, his lieutenant, about how I should be patient with Byaykuya. That, eventually, he will come around and warm up to me being his wife. 

 But how long?

 How long would it take for us to share a chamber? For us to act like we’re in this agreement together? For him to look at me with the same attraction I have for him?

 How long? 

 It possibly couldn’t be more than a year. 

 This is not the Byakuya Kuchiki I grew up with. No, I wasn’t in his life those five years he was wedded to Hisana due to my own family issues. Maybe I could’ve been there for him and witnessed his change that caused him to be so apathetic. 

 However, this cold man that sits before me… I don’t know who he is.

 “Is there someone else you’re interested in?” He finally speaks, breaking me from my musings. 

 I draw my brows together, confused at his accusation. “Are you… insinuating that I am having an affair?”

 “We’ve been wedded for a year. No acts of intimacy have been done between us. Now suddenly you—”

 “Because of you!” My voice roars, interrupting whatever nonsense that he was about to spew. 

 I refuse to allow him to put the blame on me for the stillness in our marriage. I have tried, time after time, and all I am met with is a man that constantly rejects any type of advances I attempt to provide him.

 So, I continue. 

 “I have given you a year, Byakuya,” I begin, standing over him. He looks up at me and again, his expression remains undetectable. “The day of our ceremony, I have accepted that I will be your lady, and on that night, I was prepared for consummation. But what did you do instead? Humiliate me in front of all our guests with your trivial question!”

 My chest heaves an adrenaline I haven’t felt in a while. Maybe even never, however, leave it to Byakuya to rile me up this way. 

 “If you or anyone thinks I will bear children with a man that looks at me with utter disgust, then you all are sadly mistaken.” Are my last words to him before I rush out the supper room, tears threatening to fall, reminding me of the night we wedded. 

 I feel like such a fool. Disgrace descends upon me and my mind quickly goes to my grandfather and the words he spoke to me on his deathbed. Be strong, child, and fulfill your duties as the current head of the L /N Clan. Bear beautiful children with Young Byakuya and fall effortlessly in love. 

 Oh, grandfather. What am I to do? I can no longer stand to be in this marriage. Not like this. 

 Not with Byakuya. 

 By this time already, I had returned to my chambers and began preparing for bed. I allowed my emotions to get the best of me tonight, so some sleep will do me good. 

 But my suggestion of annulment will continue in the morning. 

 Just as I was moisturizing my body, a knock at the door interrupts my nightly routine and I immediately grow annoyed. 

 I know it isn’t one of the servants checking on me. They know when I don’t want to be bothered with. So that leaves the man that’s responsible for my current state of mind. 

 Ignore him, I say to myself. He’ll think I’m asleep and eventually leave. But no. He barges into my chambers, unannounced, and shuts the door behind him. 

 “Excuse me. I don’t recall giving you permission to en—”

 “Do you think this is easy for me?” He asks, paying no mind to my protests. “Being… married to you.”

 I turned my back to him and continued with the task I was doing before he interrupted. “Save me the boredom and keep it to yourself. No need to further remind—”

 “For a year… I have been… fighting these emotions. These… feelings that have been forming in my chest at the thought of you being my lady.” His admission shocks me… but I remain quiet and stare at him intently through my mirror and allow him to finish. “Do you wish to know how I feel about you, Lady Y/N?”

 My chest slowly heaves up and down and I hold eye contact with him. “How?” I breathed. 

 “You interfere with my routine. Daily… weekly… monthly. Just the thought of you has my mind spiraling.” He moves closer to me with every word he speaks. “A noble. A clan head such as myself, loses all sense of control with just a whiff of your scent. Your jasmine scent that drives me utterly insane. I simply cannot act with honor when I’m around you, so I purposely choose to ignore you.”

 “But… why?” I questioned. 

 “Because you are you, my lady. You may think I don’t keep my eyes on you, but I do. All day… every day. I… watch you sit by the river and simply smile at the sight of nature. From a distance, I hear how kind you are when you speak to others. It’s… enchanting.”

 I slowly release a breath and swallow a thick gulp. “So why is that you don’t speak to me? If I’m, as you stated, enchanting?”

 “Speaking is not what I wish to do with you when we are alone,” he admits. Arousal rushed between my legs at the true meaning of his statement. 

 “It is hard for me to believe that you have an attraction toward me, Lord Byakuya.” As if my words triggered him, he takes long strides to close the distance between us. 

 “Perhaps it’s because you do not look at me the way you look at others. I, too, should be questioning your attraction toward me.”

 I stand to meet with him, but fail miserably due his tall frame towering me. Still, I stand firm with my gaze. “Others such as who?”

 “Shūhei Hisagi,” he deadpans. 

 “You’re being ridicu—”

 “That smile… Your eyes… The look you give him… you have never looked at me that way before. He personally delivers the newsletter to our manor, which he doesn’t have to, but he does for you.”

 “Are you… jealous? Of the small interactions I have with Hisagi a few times throughout the week?”

 It is hard for me to believe that the honorable Byakuya Kuchiki himself is getting flared up over a platonic friendship between Hisagi and I. 

 Sure, there may be a chance he feels more for me than I know, judging by how his cheeks stain a light pink color when he delivers the newsletter. 

 But in no shape or form do I feel the same way, and I would never stoop as low as stepping out in my marriage. Even if my husband treats me like I am a fly on the wall. 

 Though, now, as he stands before me, slightly flustered, nostrils flaring, and a pinched expression—Byakuya is in fact—jealous. 

 I do not know how to feel about this, but I do know it is better than the distance I was getting before. 

 “Does this,” he grabs my hand to slip between us so I can feel his hardened erection, causing me to suck in a breath, “feel like I hold no attraction to you?”

 “Byakuya,” I barely said above a hushed tone. 

 He presses his forward against mine, whispering, “Everyday… I curse myself for these feelings I have for you, to the point where I attempt to avoid you yet fail horribly because I can’t help but watch you from afar.” His hand gently runs up and down my arm, and this bit of contact burns warmth to my flesh. 

 “I feel wrong. Felt, wrong for having such feelings for you, knowing my late Hisana has passed away. I thought my heart went along with her illness, however, you returned to my life unexpectedly.”

 I lick my lips before asking, “Are you saying you… love me, my lord?”

 “I desire you, my lady. Crave you in ways that make me want to act animalistic.” His lips ghost over mine before he falls to my neck and inhales heavily. “I’ve always wanted to know what it is like to have you on my tongue. To hear you beg for me to give you more than what I am giving.”

 “My lord… please.” 

 He shushes me. “Your beauty is beyond words. I have… never seen a rich, deep, golden brown complexion such as yours. You hold yourself with grace, but I know you’re a minx underneath these silk garments.”

 He begins trailing faint kisses along my flesh until meeting with my face once more. I stare at him and take advantage of his ash-colored hues that resemble the sky on a cloudy day. 

 I don’t recall ever being this close in proximity to Byakuya. I’m enthralled by the smoothness of his skin and the color of his lips that reminds me of a thousand cherry blossoms. 

 I want to kiss him. I, too, also want to know what it feels like to have the taste of him on my tongue. Just—

 “May I kiss you, Y/N?” The octave of his voice, slightly lower than usual, breathy with a touch of desperation… it does something to my core. 

 His cheeks flush red and my eyes widen at the sight of him. It feels like this is a fantasy, a moment I thought I would only see in my dreams. He is completely vulnerable, stipped down to where he forgets the formalities and calls my name. He is like this for me because of me. 

 When he is like this–I do not loathe him.

 “You may.”

 Byakuya gently presses his mouth against mine, our lips merely touching as if he is skeptical about what he is doing. He pulls back to look at me and I know desperation is shown on my face. And I know he feels the same.

 How he engulfs my arm with his hand, applying immense pressure to show his desire for me tells me so. 

 My breaths are staggered. I’m thinking, what will he do next? Will he turn around and return to his chambers, regretting this moment ever happened? No. He does not. 

 He caresses my nose with his, breathing me in before meeting with my lips once more. 

 This time, he cuffs my face and deepens our kiss. My hands latched  onto his wrist to hold him in place because I will not allow him to show any skepticism once again. 

 Byakuya takes his time exploring my mouth, but a touch of eagerness is shown when his tongue slips inside of me to get more. Heat hums throughout my body and I feel wetness pooling between my thighs due to the lack of under garments I am not wearing. 

 Is this what it feels like to kiss him? Is it normal for my limbs to grow weak? As if he read my thoughts, he sweeps me off the ground and wraps my legs around his waist. Our heads move side-to-side in unison while we devour each other’s grunts and moans. 

 We head in the direction to my futon and ever so lightly, he lays me down and pulls away from me. 

 “Strip for me.” His order is soft but filled with dominance I can’t be anything but submissive to. 

 I untie my silk robe, slowly until it falls off my shoulders and bares my body. His eyes… where I know Byakuya to be calm and collective during battle, right now a beast rages through him, and I am his prey that he is ready to feast on. 

 My legs spread, revealing my sex that is moist beyond measure. A growl forms in the pit of Byakuya’s stomach and it spreads chills down my spine.

 He palms my breasts while gazing at me and I shudder from his touch. I could believe that this is in fact a dream, but it is not. 

 No longer than a second later, and he pinches my nipple between his fingers. 

 “My lord,” I softly cried, arching my back. 

 “You are art, Y/N.”

 “Address me as your lady,” I demanded. 

 “Apologies, Lady Y/N.” He leans forward to press a quick kiss to my lips. “Is there anything else you would like for me to do?”

 “Strip for me as well,” I instructed, teasingly. 

 His yukata drapes low on his hips and I am met with his slender build. Squared shoulders. A trimmed waist. And an abdomen where I would enjoy rubbing my wetness along that leads to what will bring me pleasure tonight. 

 He stands to completely remove his garments and my mouth floods at the sight of him. His groin, hard and veiny, drips liquid that I’m yearning to taste. 

 Byakuya, as expected, is well trimmed, but leaves just enough hair, perfect to my liking. 

 He’s much larger than I imagined. A size I need time adjusting to, that’s for certain. 

 “Am I up to your liking?” He quips. 

 I hum, tugging my bottom lip between my teeth. “Perhaps.”

 The smallest chuckle, almost faint, escapes his mouth. “Perhaps…” He mocks, catching onto the lie that I uttered. 

  He kneels down before me and sucks my lower lip into his mouth while he widens my legs even further to bring pleasure to my cunt. Those slender fingers, so long and delicate, slip inside of me and I mewl at the slight intrusion. He massages my walls as if he is exploring, attempting to familiarize himself with how I pulsate around his fingers. 

 I break our kiss to moan his name, and my lord takes advantage of the opening to plunge his tongue in the back of my throat and sink deeper into my cunt. 

 I never expected Byakuya to be well equipped with his fingers this way. Those same fingers that are used for battle are currently being used to bring me to my release. 

 Soon, his lips find the valley of my breasts where he leaves bruises on my flesh with teeth. I whimper so pathetically, shocking myself at the sound that leaks from me. 

 He sucks on my nipples greedily, like a starved man that’s hungry for his lover, and this time, I let out a moan of his name. 

 “Byakuya…”

 He looks at me through his lashes and firmly grips my breast. “Remember, my lady. Address me as your lord.”

 “I am sorry, my lord. Please… I can no longer wait. I want to come.”

 “Where is that fire that was present earlier? Begging?” I clench around his fingers at the sound of him taunting me. 

 He flickers his digits quicker inside of me, pulling such obscene noises from my cunt that mingles with my moans and his praises in my chambers. 

 Byakuya, this time, does not kiss me. No, instead, he ogles me and gently holds my chin in place where I am forced to watch him deliver me a release I’ve been waiting a year for. 

 There was a time where I thought he didn’t have an ounce of attraction to me, and now here he is, pleasing me in a way I haven’t been before. 

 “Oh, Lord Byakuya… I… I’m about to come. I feel a release coming,” I purred. 

  “But I have barely touched you, blossom.”

 I latched onto his wrist and rolled my hips to meet his fingers thrusting inside of my cunt. “I—I know. I’ve been waiting for this… for so long.”

 “You’ve fantasized about me bringing you pleasure?” I nod, causing a small smirk to form on his lips. “Tell me more, Lady Y/N. What else do you want? Would you like my shaft inside your tight cunt?”

 “Yes.”

 “Tell you how breathtaking you look while being filled with me?”

 “Oh, yes. Yes, Lord Byakuya.”  

 The faintest, most gentle kiss is placed on the side of my mouth and I feel the tension at the bottom of my stomach unraveling.

 “Are you prepared to bear my children? To have my come flooding your cunt until it drips out?” He ghosts over my ear. “Will you take me?”

 “Bya… kuya…” My orgasm suddenly crept onto me and I’ve created a mess on his hand. 

 I throw my head back and moan to the gods above. I can’t stop shaking and he continues to pump his fingers inside of me. 

 For a year I thought this man loathed me, but tonight I am proved otherwise. 

 Lord Byakuya has described himself as a madman when he is around me, and it is shown when he doesn’t permit me the time to come down from my release before guiding his cock to my entrance. 

 I look between us, anticipating the moment he enters my body and wondering how I will take him. 

 He attempts to push himself inside, but is met with interference and clicks his tongue. Frustrated at the constriction of my cunt because his cock is aching to feel my walls. 

 “I see she is as stubborn as you are,” he taunts. 

 I slyly smirk at him. “Giving up—Ohh…”

 Byakuya does not allow me to finish my retort before giving me one long thrust between my folds to completely stuff me. My brows knits together at the slight intrusion and hint of pain that’s mended by my wetness. 

 I’m… stretched. How could he fit? He’s so… big. Large. I feel his veins pleasurably grazing me when he slowly begins to pull in and out. My cunt molds around his cock like he’s all she knows and I gasp with every movement. 

 My thighs are pushed back so he could see all of me, to see how I’m swallowing him whole. He swears underneath his breath and seeing Byakuya so vulnerable like this has me pulsating. 

 “You… are amazing, my lady. This cunt of yours… It's perfect,” he declares. “For a year you have been keeping this from me?”

 “More, my lord. Give me a bit more.”

 “So desperate for my come, are you?”

 I eagerly nod and grip his forearms to take his pounding. He wastes no time acquiescing to my request, increasing his thrusts to pull such lewd noises from me.

  I’m almost embarrassed by the loudness of my dripping sex. I’m practically making a mess on my futon and I’m mortified that the servants will need to replace my sheets. 

 Again, his mouth and hands are back on my breast, sucking and circling my nipples until they ache. Byakuya alternates between the two to show equal amounts of love and I have never felt so overwhelmed.

 He drives into me with so much passion while marking me with his teeth and alleviating the pain with his tongue. 

 “When I breed you, you will be completely mine, my love. You will be full of me, carrying my child,” he rasps, rutting into me with more force. “How many will you give me?”

 I gasped. “As many as you want, Lord Byakuya. Just please… make me come again. I feel it approaching.”

 “So come for me, blossom.”

 His thrusts are harsher than before. The head of his cock repeatedly presses my sweet spot and I feel the spark of electricity tingling in my lower back. My breasts are still occupied by his mouth, but they move obnoxiously with the rhythm of his poundings. 

 I cry his name, scream to my lord how wonderful this feels and tears prick the corner of my eyes. His free hand that was on my breast moves to thumb my clit to aid with my near release. 

 Byakuya moans soon joins mine to tell me how my cunt squeezes his cock, nearly strangling. And if it were to lose circulation, I would be the cause. But does he not feel how he throbs inside of me? 

 How he hopes to breed me so we will be bound for life? 

 “You asked me earlier… if I love you. Would you still like to know?”

 “Yes, Byakuya. Tell me… do you?”

 “I do,” he simply answers. “Since the day I saw you staring at the river and smiling at the water flowing. How could I not love you?” He brushes his lips across mine and lowers his voice. “How could I not love you after having you like this? Having your beautiful body, every dip and curve bare underneath me?”

 “Lord Byakuya… I’m coming.”

 “And you sound beautiful when my name drips from your lips. Continue calling me your lord until I have filled you with my come.”

 Over and over, he rocks into me at a frenzied pace, causing my orgasm to burst out of me. Tears stain my cheeks and arousal prickles my flesh from my overwhelming release. However, Byakuya does not let up until his thrusts are uncoordinated, indicating his own climax.

 Coming together as lovers for the first time after our ceremony has me seeing stars in my chambers. His load… it’s heavy. Hot and sticky. It mingles with my own come and creates a mess between us.

 Lord Byakuya, too, is a vocal lover. He comes down from his own release and whispers how ethereal I am. How he would never grow tired of pleasing me and filling my cunt. 

 But it’s the delicacy of him brushing my coils away from my face and placing soft kisses on my cheeks that causes my heart to skip a beat. 

 An hour has already passed, and we have been basking in each other’s presence. His embrace is comforting. It provides me with a warmth that was well needed to fill the coldness beside me when I slept alone at night for the past year. 

 “I’m sorry,” he says, breaking the silence. 

 I know the reason for his apology, but ask anyway. “For what, my lord?”

 “For the discomfort I have provided you since our engagement. You didn’t deserve that… Before anything, you were a dear childhood companion of mine and I treated you horribly.”

 His kind words move me. I place my palm against his cheek and look up at him. “We can discuss it some more later on. For now, I would like to enjoy your company. Is that okay?”

 He kisses the top of my head and pulls me further into his arms. “Of course, my lady… Of course.”

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